Sunday, April 21, 2013

Don't Rush Your Babes

Shortly after a baby is born, the critiquing begins. No, I'm not talking about the questions about his eye color, or the guessing game about whether he looks more like mom or dad. I'm talking about the constant "what's he doing now" questions that plague a baby from the minute he is born.

Here's how it goes: Baby is born. Everyone wants to see him open his eyes. Why? Why not just enjoy the baby with his eyes closed? He looks so peaceful and content with his eyes closed. He has plenty of time to open his eyes and look around at the world around him. Right now, his eyes are closed and that's ok.

Next, people want to know if baby is sleeping through the night. Why? Why would a tiny baby sleep through the night? Babies are not made to sleep for hours on end by themselves in the dark without their mamas. That contradicts their biological makeup. But everyone asks. "How long is baby sleeping? Are you getting enough sleep? Is he sleeping through the night like a good boy yet?" A baby will sleep through the night when he is ready. It may be at a few months of age, or it may be at a few years of age. If a baby isn't forced to sleep longer than he normally would, either by force-feeding him more milk than usual, or by putting cereal in a bottle (I can't believe any idiot would do that, but it happens) or by being forced to Cry It Out, then in a majority of cases, the baby will frequently wake through the night for at least the first year of life. Of course there are exceptions, but most babies wake. Baby will sleep through the night when he is ready.

Then people start asking if the baby is rolling over and eventually, sitting up. Soon after that, the questions are about crawling. And then walking. And then it becomes "what's he eating now?" And then everyone asks if he is talking. And the questions about breastfeeding are thrown in there..."you're not still breastfeeding him, are you?"

This madness needs to stop. A baby is only a baby once. He only spends a small amount of time not knowing how to roll over or sit up. What's the rush to learn? He will get there! A baby only crawls for a short period of time in his life. Why does he have to be rushed into walking? A baby only makes those adorable coos and babbles for a short time in his life. He will learn to talk when he is ready. Why is he rushed into talking?

When we are constantly asking "what's he doing now?" with a hopeful frame of mind...hopeful that our baby is at some developmental milestone that our pediatrician or the internet tells us he should be at at a certain age, we are perpetuating the cycle of rushing the baby to grow up faster. It makes no sense really; people are always complaining and gushing about how sad they are that their child is growing so fast, yet they are always looking forward to the next stage that their child will enter.

Take a step back, look at your beautiful child, and enjoy him or her. Right now, today, at whatever stage he or she may be at. They will only be this person that they are today for such a short time. There is no need to rush them into something they aren't. Enjoy what your baby is doing right now. Because before you know it, he will have moved on to something new, and you won't get this stage back.